Friday, January 18, 2019

craze me into a holy awareness

Come, Lord Jesus,
confront me as a prophet:
disturb my indifference,
expose my practiced phoniness,
shatter my brittle certainties, 
deflate my arrogant sophistries,
and craze me into a holy awareness
-Rev. Ted Loder

at the beginning of 2019, in a cozy cabin on top of a mountain, with snow falling thick and steady on the surrounding pines, i read God's word with a hunger for fresh perspective and revelation. i wanted to enter the new year firm in my faith, full of His power and grace. 

and He sweetly and faithfully gave me a word to frame my focus, to theme my thoughts, and to posture my prayers: AWARE. 

Lord, make me aware. 

not just any kind of aware. a holy awareness. i want to be conscious and mindful of God's presence. awakened and alert to His goodness. i want to see and behold and watch and observe the things God wants me to be aware of. i want to be aware enough to hear Him in new ways, see Him in new places, and feel Him in a new realness.

being aware means more awareness of God, and it also means less awareness of world. my prayer for holy awareness is adding and subtracting from my perspective. increasing my vision in some areas, while letting Him blur and blind me in other areas of life. there are things He wants me to see and things He doesn't want me staring at for too long anymore. awareness is focused clarity.

barely three weeks in, and i'm realizing this is a scary prayer. because not only am i asking to be more aware of God's goodness, but in His goodness, He will also make me aware of my sinfulness. awareness has already been kind of rude to me. awakenings sometimes are, i guess. 
but awareness is good. God always brings things to light. the hurt and the Healer collide. 

i love what God is showing me, what He's speaking to me, and the way He's heightening my consciousness of His will. awareness is making me even more grateful. more content. more joy. more hopeful. more peace. this is the craze. 

psalm 26:3 on repeat: i pray that i am always aware of God's unfailing love, and that i live according to His truth.

what is it? tell me on my instagram post here.