Wednesday, August 31, 2022

you'll feel it tomorrow

in my workout this morning, the coach encouraged us to use proper form and technique, and he said, "if you do it right today, you'll feel it tomorrow." i know what he meant. if i do the exercise correctly today, my muscles go through a rebuild/grow process, and i'll be sore tomorrow. 

i know this is true. it's normal to feel sore after doing a good workout. tomorrow i'll say to myself, 'wow i'm so sore,' and i'll know it is from the workout i did this morning. i did something right yesterday and gosh it hurts today. it's normal, and i'll be stronger tomorrow. it's all part of the process, and the results are dependent on how i do the work today. (not if, but how. that's important.)

so as the coach is saying this, and i hold the dumbbells in my hands, i start to think about the emotional pain i'm experiencing lately. 

my daughter left for college two weeks ago. she moved out of our home and into a cute little dorm an hour and a half away. and we're so proud of her and we're grateful! and she's doing amazing. but, man, i miss my little bestie so much and my heart hurts. like when she left, with all her belongings stuffed into IKEA bags and suitcases, she scooped out a big chunk of my heart on her way out the door leaving a gaping hole. she didn't mean to; that part of my heart has always been hers. it's just always been here and now it's not. 

i'm feeling it. and i know this is nothing new. it's a normal pain that comes with sending your child out into the world. it hurts to say goodbye to a season of parenthood and childhood. parents who have gone before us nod and smile empathetically, saying things like, "this is what parents want!" "this is what you've worked for all these years!" we know. this is the process.

when the workout coach says, "if you do it right today, you'll feel it tomorrow," i hear the Lord encourage me with this: "the (emotional) pain you're feeling today is because you must have done something right yesterday."   

God reminded me that i made the most of every moment with her yesterday. i took a million pictures of her/with her yesterday. i made sure we made lots of memories together yesterday. i never wished away a season of her childhood yesterday. i was present with her yesterday. i was her biggest cheerleader yesterday. i worked to build trust and respect with her yesterday. i taught her everything i know yesterday. i watched her grow and learn and i was there when she needed me yesterday. i hugged her and told her i loved her every chance i got yesterday. 

17 years of doing that really did something to my heart muscle. i did something right yesterday and gosh it hurts today. it's normal, it's all part of God's good plan, and i'll be stronger tomorrow. ❤️

while we're here...
to any moms of littles reading this, 
i know you hear this a lot but please hear it fresh from me right now: make the most of every day with your kids. enjoy motherhood. don't take the days for granted. don't rush childhood. be super intentional with your kids. pour into them. lean into every load of laundry, every carline, every minute hunched over homework, every pb&j, every zoo trip, every Halloween costume, every sibling squabble you have to break up, every hard lesson you teach, every sleepless night, everything. everything! don't complain it away or give into the negative mom narrative. soak it all in. eat it up. before you know it, it'll be over and that place in your heart that you've been growing and nurturing will be scooped out and sent out into the world, leaving a hollow hole. how you mom today matters. if you do it right today, you'll feel it tomorrow.


Tuesday, May 24, 2022

around here lately: summer of '22

hello again. it's been a while! someone once said, 'show me where you spend your time and i'll tell you what's important to you,' and that is a simple explanation for my absence from here. but i'm here now just for a sec to document what's been going on around here lately. and by lately, i mean the last 90 days or so.

// haile graduated from high school. she worked incredibly hard and pushed thru those final dragging weeks of senior year, even after securing a scholarship to her top-choice university. i am beside myself with pride and joy, relief and exhaustion, awe and hope. go best friend!!! she leaves for school in august and i'm going to need all the grace, hugs, prayers, and distractions. high school graduation gift ideas: gift cards, cash, this devotional bible, college hoodie, heirloom jewelry, pretty keepsake storage box, and of course i ordered her one of these shirts. check on your friends who's kids are graduating from high school.

// josh graduated from 9th grade. the boy is thriving in high school and i love watching him round out his academic success (and struggles) on the basketball team, on stage in drama, in the band playing percussion, and socially with his peers. recap: we homeschooled him full-time K-5th and now he's in a private Christian classical university model school where he is in school 2 days a week and homeschooled the other days. i miss him on the days he's in school but remedied that by getting a job at the school so yeah this schooling arrangement works wonderfully for us. he is such a fun teenager and i'm thankful that i bucked the parenting narrative that the teen years suck. PSA: THEY DON'T. the teen years are when we start to see evidence and glimpses of fruit of the foundation we laid in their toddler and elementary years. as with any phase of parenting: you'll get out of it what you put into it.    


// we got a puppy. i fell in love with someone else's french bulldog named winston in december. immediately, i became obsessed and started a search on petfinder for frenchies. in march, by way of divine circumstances, The Winston Himself came to live with us! the Lord hears our prayers. winston is such a sweet little snuggle bug, has no trouble keeping up with his big doggy sisters, and has been such a fun addition to our family. i laughed when my bible study teacher said she gets a new puppy every time one of her children graduates and moves out of the house. look at me now.  

// my parents are selling the b&b. my hair stylist knows my true feelings about it but otherwise i'm just praying God's will be done and waiting with a smile.   

// i learned that the puffy make-a-wish flower things are dandelions

// sinusitis, vertigo, ear infection, oh...ugh. i remember when i was a kid, there were days when my mom would stay in bed with lights off and curtains drawn, and a household understanding to be quiet and do not disturb until the vertigo spell subsided. recently, after a bout of sinusitis, i had the opportunity to experience my own vertigo spell for the first time. and prayerfully the last! what is vertigo? oh it feels something like being on a tilt-a-whirl ride on a boat in the ocean during a storm. having motion sickness when i wasn't even in motion seemed really unfair. we're not entirely sure what triggered it (hormones! stress! sinus infection?) but what helped was a full week of stillness, prescription motion sickness meds, and never turning or tilting my head to the right. just when my world stopped spinning, i got an ear infection. AND! a side of guilt when josh caught an ear infection, too. ugh. and now that's behind us, we are looking forward to a HEALTHY SUMMER! 

// subscribing, unfollowing, and reading what makes me want to write. most of my email inbox is tuition invoices, ads, Baylor 'bear'ents updates, and order shipping notifications, it's fine. but the emails i legitimately look forward to opening and reading/studying lately are from Letters of Note. my fascination with reading other people's letters began with THIS children's book, was sparked by THIS website/book, and is currently being fed by Letters of Note. a letter written in 2013 by British journalist Caitlin Moran to her preteen daughter lives rent-free in my head. it's free to subscribe to Letters of Note but the heart-brain stimuli i get from reading other people's letters is priceless. and because i like to live by the way of "one in, one out" principle, i lately appreciate the "least interacted with" feature on instagram. afterall, if we aren't interacting, then what is the point? interaction is reciprocal by definition, so sorry but it's not just you, it's also me. so instead of scrolling and not interacting, i have been spending time both reading and enjoying reading things that make me want to write, including God Be In My Head, The Pilgrim's Regress, Austin Kleon's blog, and Walk It Off. on my to-read list is this book because i want confirmation on what i think is the profession in which people within it -by choice!- complain the most about their jobs. any guesses?    

// frequent date nights are still a thing and we will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary in december ❤️ intentionality is hot.

this is a lot of words, my time is up, and that's pretty much what's been going on around here lately:)