sometimes the skies are dark and grey for days. the air is thick with humidity, the clouds heavy with empty threats of rain. we watch and wait, and wish either the sun to appear or the rain will fall.
finally, it rains. finally, the burden is too heavy and the weight too much to bear. the skies open up, the clouds give way, and everything pours out. the grey falls. there's no stopping the rain when it's been held in for so long.
three months ago, we moved away from our home of seven years, our friends, our church. it was the best thing for our family, we had outgrown that space and needed to be closer to my husband's offices. i guess i've been too busy with moving in, Christmas, birthday parties, homeschooling, job changes, and getting familiar in our new town, to realize the dark and grey clouding up inside.
for three months, i held in the pain and covered my feelings with grey. as i made the long drive back home from a morning with my friends in our old town last week, the burden had gotten too heavy. everything poured out. i couldn't hold it any longer. it spilled and there was no stopping it: i am homesick.
i miss my friends. i miss being with them daily. i miss being right across the street, just a text away, able to meet for lunch on a whim. i miss lending a cup of sugar. i miss keeping her dogs while she's out of town. i miss our kids sprawled out across our driveways. i miss surprises on doorsteps, saving their seats in church, popsicles on hot afternoons, carpooling. i miss being there for them, and knowing they are there for me.
it's an ache i tried not to let infect me, but it's here and it's more painful than i anticipated. because, i tell myself, we aren't that far away. we will still keep in touch! we can see each other any time...it just takes more effort. they will always be my friends, and i will soon make new friends. that is all true. it is. but my heart still aches.
last night, i was trying to cheer myself up, so i baked chocolate chip cookie bars. when they were hot and fresh out of the oven, i wanted nothing more than to walk out my front door and deliver a plate to my dear sweet friends who - in our old neighborhood - lived next door and across the street. chocolate chip cookie bars don't cheer me up...being with my friends does.
life is good here in our new town. my husband is able to be home with us more often, and there are a lot of families with young children on our street. making new friends takes time, i know this.
i'm okay with the rain fall, because the sun always comes out. and when it does, i'll be looking for a rainbow...God's promise that everything is going to be okay.