Monday, August 06, 2012

He already knows


it was 9pm when i reached under the kitchen sink for the dust cleaning spray and a rag.

it didn't matter that i was in my pajamas and running on 4 hours of sleep. the side table needed to be cleaned. the semi-major home improvement project that my husband took on earlier in the day left quite a mess, and was still unfinished. i could feel myself fraying. the late night and dusty house were taking it's toll. but wiping up some of the dust, i knew, would make me feel better.

i sprayed the table and moved the rag methodically across the wood. dust flied and my mind raced. i could taste the complaints and bitter words on the tip of my tongue. i restrained and refocused on the dusting. forcefully, through grinding teeth, my angry thoughts became desperate prayers.

Lord, i'm tired. i know this is part of the plan, but God, it's exhausting. it's trying. Father, thank You for everything. thank You for aligning everything just so, for Your perfect timing, and for all the blessings in the waiting. i'm trying so hard to be patient. Lord, show me Your way. let us live according to Your will. i love You, God, and i trust You in everything. i will not fear. i know you know my heart. i am not afraid of the future. my hope is in You. i will not be shaken. You are with us. 

what i wanted to scream say: THIS IS ALL WORTH IT, RIGHT, GOD?

but i didn't. i whispered amen, wiped the table clean, put the dust cleaner back under the kitchen sink, and rested in knowing: He already knows.

every headache. every heartache. every trial. every fear. every anxious thought. every nightmare. every doubt. every hope. every dream. every desire of my heart. every victory. every triumph. every light at the end of the tunnel. every blessing rained down. every hundred-fold return. every narrow gate. every prayer i never mumble. 

He already knows. 

i rest peacefully and i realize it wasn't cleaning up the dust that made me feel better at all. it was the moment i made to transform my thoughts and renew my mind. it was all God, using the dust to get me to seek His mercy. how 'bout that? He is so clever. He knows me so well.

and it was just a few hours earlier when the shop owner handed me a handmade plaque with Jeremiah 29:11, "a gift for you," she said. how could i forget that this is no coincidence?

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

goodness gracious...He already knows.

and for that, i am only thankful.

And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 
So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:30-31

Great is our Lord, and mighty in power;
His understanding is infinite. Psalm 147:5